Do you dress to be noticed? You like to be in the spotlight when everybody stares at you with that typical expression of envy or perhaps of genuine admiration on their face. It makes you feel unique, strong, powerful.
Or, by contrast, do you dress in a certain way to avoid people’s judgment and any sort of negative comment? Gossip puts pressure on you, making you nervous and uncomfortable.
Either way, your style reveals a lot about your personality, combined with your posture and body language. However, sometimes the clothes you wear become a proper shield that protects you from external factors, hiding your real identity or making it more acceptable by society or even by yourself.
When I was younger, I went through a huge variety of different styles, hair colours and haircuts, all concomitantly with my emotional state of that moment.
There was a part of me constantly seeking validation, and another one that could not tolerate any form of criticism and assumptions at all.
This has made me suffer a lot, with my two personalities always contradictory between each other, not knowing who I had to listen to and which belief I should have gotten rid of.
In both cases, I was not being myself. I was just living my life, making my own choices based on other people’s opinions and stereotypes.
Have you ever heard of Compulsive Approval-Seeking? A compulsive approval-seeking behaviour is generated by a low self-esteem. This sense of inferiority arises from many factors. Some relate to your personality, while others stem from external influences such as your upbringing, cultural experiences, education, and work life.
In my 13, when I was at Secondary School, I knew that to be popular and to be accepted by my school mates I had to wear make-up, a new pair of Adidas Gazzelle and the latest fashion trends, to not forget the unmissable leather jacket that everyone used to have.
The concept of ‘dress to be appreciated’, with the passing of time, became unconsciously a real belief in my mind, influencing my persona, my behaviours and my whole life.
As wrong as it could be, I have always thought that I had to look nice for others first, rather than for myself, and that I had to keep up with the role models proposed by TV, magazines and by mass media in order to be fully integrated into the social system, an altogether nonsensical concept!
It took me more than 15 years before realising that I did not even know who I was, what I like and who I wanted to be. Imagine the massive impact that society has on people’s lifestyle and mental health!
But I am not here to talk about myself.
I am here to talk about you, instead, as I would like to help you, through my own experience, to find your own identity, in order to increase your level of confidence and self-esteem. Thus, you will have a better understanding of what you are passionate about, what is that makes you feel good, and what does your dream life look like.
While reading this article, I would like you to take some time to fully focus on the clothes you are currently wearing.
Does your outfit reflect your personality? Or is it based on the influence of someone else’s preferences, social media, and more generically, of the social environment?
Be honest with yourself, though.
I want you to look at that mirror, wondering if you really think you know that woman in front of you. Is she familiar to you? Or is she a perfect stranger?
You, and only you can know the answer.
Most people see fashion as something trivial that does not determine someone’s personality, but today I want to dispel a myth, as it is the exact opposite.
Sometimes the most extravagant minds dress flashy to get attention as seeking constant validations. They are not confident enough within themselves, so they need approval from others.
Occasionally, if you are shy, you would prefer to be reserved, not showing a lot about yourself, keeping a more neutral style that could make you feel comfortable and less under pressure.
But, let me tell you something. In both cases, you would not be happy as you would not be real. You would suffer inwardly as you won’t be free to express who you are as too scared and affected by people’s judgments.
Therefore, the moral of this story is still the same: get to know your nature and learn how to give yourself the right values that you deserve. No one else will do it for you.
If you do not love yourself first, you will keep waiting for someone to compliment you with the usual ‘useless flatteries’ that you have been hearing for ages.
Nice words are only a rebound from a sense of emptiness that depends nothing but on yourself.
