HOW HAVING THE RIGHT MINDSET CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

What do you know about mindset and what kind of mindset do you think you have? Are you mostly a positive person, always looking for the good side in every situation? Or do you take things negatively, falling at the first hurdle?

Whatever your personality is, your mindset is that supernatural force, the most powerful one that will drive you at every moment of your way. It is your daily fuel, that boundless energy that will determine your own perception and vision of life, based on your beliefs system and on your personal experiences.

But let us now have a look at how our past influences our mindset and our worldview.

What happens in our brain when we absorb our very first information in the childhood?

The early years of a child from 2 to 8 are crucial for the brain’s development, especially at the age of 3. This is when the main architecture of our brain is formed, laying the foundation of our future, and influencing the way we will function later in life.

As you may be aware, children have the capability of absorbing information very easily, with the consequence of developing a sense of being that will mostly be impacted by what they stored during the childhood.

Everything that they consistently experience throughout their early years moulds their vision of themselves and of the rest of the world, structuring their beliefs system.

For instance, if someone is constantly treated with respect, his/her inner belief will be that he/she will give value to him/herself, same for who is continuously put down, starting to think and acting like someone who is worthless and does not deserve happiness.

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Over time, these beliefs get stored in our subconscious mind, where is located our long-term memory, guiding the path of our life without us even realising it.

That is when we start to develop our own mindset, that will impact our way of thinking, our feelings and behaviours, our whole concept of life and our assumptions, consequently determining our approach to daily challenges, changes and difficult situations, our personal success, and our relationships with people.

It is all about mindset. As you know, life is unpredictable and it might surprise you at any moment, testing your abilities to adapt to changes and to the most unexpected situations. There is no perfect time; we all have our ups and downs, bad and good days, like there are no rainbows without any storms. What does really matter is how you approach the external circumstances and how you will face every new challenge with positivity and persistence.

It is important to acknowledge that the quality of our life does all depend on us and on our willingness to react to the circumstances in the right way. We can be positive despite the difficulties that we meet every day and win every single battle that will come across our path, or we can end up overwhelmed at the first occasion, letting day-to-day problems controlling our emotional and physical state. The choice is only ours.

There are two main different types of mindset that shape our lives: the Fixed and the Growth one.

“A ‘fixed mindset’ assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are static givens which we can’t change in any meaningful way, and success is the affirmation of that inherent intelligence, an assessment of how those givens measure up against an equally fixed standard; striving for success and avoiding failure at all costs become a way of maintaining the sense of being smart or skilled. A ‘growth mindset’, on the other hand, thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities. Out of these two mindsets, which we manifest from a very early age, springs a great deal of our behaviour, our relationship with success and failure in both professional and personal contexts, and ultimately our capacity for happiness.”  As mentioned by Carol Dweck, psychologist at Stanford University of California, in of her most remarkably masterpieces Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success.  

If you find yourself having a Fixed Mindset, it is most likely that you will indulge into your comfort zone, sensing everything that is new and that differs from your usual habits as a sort of threat; by contrast, your Growth Mindset will take you places you have not explored yet, always discovering new skills you were not even aware of. This will also have a significant impact on your whole personality and propension to react to changes.

But is it possible to develop a different mindset throughout our life despite our natural tendency?

Indeed, it is. And I am going to tell you why.

Thanks to Neuroplasticity, it has been scientifically proven that the human brain has a huge capability of flexibility and reorganization because of individual neuron pathways making new connections and to systematic adjustments like cortical remapping. Examples of neuroplasticity include circuit and network changes that result from learning a new ability, environmental influences, practice, and psychological stress.

This is an incredible discovery as it means that if you are no longer satisfied with your current life and you would like to achieve better results you can work on restructuring your beliefs system, adopting a completely new vision and approach to a better future.

The first thing, and the most important one that you should do is to increase your awareness, understanding that each external event is not the reason for your personal dissatisfaction and for your unhappiness: your mindset is! And if you will switch your energy into a more positive one, adopting a Growth Mindset, your whole life will turn into an ocean of possibilities and successes. No matter the obstacles that will stand in your way and how many stumbling blocks you will encounter along your path; you will not lose your drive and that motivation that brought you here. Actually, you will accept each new opportunity to keep learning new things, constantly expanding your level of knowledge and your ability to overcome the difficulties.

Mindset
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You will no longer feel overloaded or under pressure and you will take everything with more ease.

I have learnt at my expenses that I cannot limit myself for fear of making mistakes and that it is never too late to develop new skills and increase my level of education. I have learnt that if I start my day with a ‘can do’ attitude I will have more chances to achieve the goals that I have previously set, instead of doubting and underestimating myself. And I have also realised that if I look at the good aspect of things, I will approach each new challenge in the right way, feeling mentally and physically healthier.

We are what we think. It is not just a figure of speech. It is a state of mind.

Make Yourself A Priority

In my posts, I talk a lot about self-love and self-esteem. And I do so because I have learnt at my expense that I cannot live the life of my dreams and be a happy and healthy woman if I am not at peace with myself.

I have spent several years waiting for someone, an ideal partner, that could make me feel ‘less empty’ and less alone, fully depending on men, thinking that I was not good enough to look after myself.

When, one day, after countless mistakes, I realised I was not doing the right thing and that I was 100 % capable of becoming a successful and independent woman.

How did this happen?

Well, my own experiences have taught me a lot, making me aware of how it is important to give myself the right value that I deserve. In addition to this, I have learnt that I should always take some time out for myself, no matter what.

City life is an ongoing challenge. It is not for everyone. It is like a carousel that never stops, and it keeps testing your abilities and your level of tolerance.

Hectic lifestyle
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Those who live in London, like me, should definitely know what I am talking about.

Nevertheless, it has turned out that during pandemic – having been furloughed for almost a year – I realised how important is to reserve some quality ‘me time’ and that, on a scale of values, I should always be on top of my list.

It is not a matter of being selfish, it is making yourself a priority in order to be able to enjoy life the most, and to look after others in the second place.

In the last 4 years, I have been so stuck into London hectic lifestyle that I could barely remember what I liked and how creative I was.

I was spending the whole day outside for work, travelling endless hours on the tube, heading back home in the evening absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed.

Then, I reached that point when I wondered if this was really worth it. And when I finally had all the time I have always needed, I felt I should have probably played some music again, and maybe take my canvas and brushes to start painting, like I used to do when I was younger.

And it has been amazing. It has been like reconnecting with myself after so long, discovering I haven’t lost my unconditional love for art and that I had some sides of me yet unknown.

Having said that, before providing you with some tips on how to preserve your own time, I would like you to deeply focus on yourself and on your life, visualising your system of values as a sort of pyramid.

What is that you care the most? If it is love, it should be at the top of it. How do you keep yourself occupied? Do you like travelling, practicing sport, helping others? And what is the least important thing for you?

If you are not sure about it, then this is your chance to reflect and reconnect with yourself.

And now, here are 5 tips I recommend you to consider if you feel that you are getting overloaded and under pressure:

  1. Learn how to say ‘no’ without blaming yourself for it
NO
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I know it is difficult to say ‘no’ to your boss that is giving you an important task, especially if you are driven, as much as I am, and you want to progress within the company, or to a friend you really care about. But you are not a superhero and you do not have to prove anything to others, rather than to yourself.

Thus, stop pretending you have some sort of superpowers. You are a human being and you can only do so much every day.

People will appreciate your honesty and you will not end up stressed and in a bad mood;

2. Have a hobby, a project to keep yourself occupied outside of work

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Do your daily workout, run, draw, cook your favourite dishes, if that makes you feel more relaxed. But do not live your life to work, as there is nothing sadder than that.

You should always have an escape from the routine, your relief valve to enjoy your own freedom and your personal life.

3. Do not jump into a relationship, just because you cannot be alone

Relationship
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First of all, allow me to tell you that this is just one of your countless limiting beliefs. You can only think that you are not able to be on your own. It is your personal conviction.

The truth is that you are perfectly capable of being an independent woman. You just have to get out of that comfort zone and make things change!

You will be surprised of how much you will enjoy yourself and your own time once you will take courage to stop depending on others.

4. Buy yourself a treat, take a day off from work

Woman Spa
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It is important that you reserve some time for yourself, once in a while. Take a day off for a longer weekend in the countryside or for a Spa Circuit to get rid of the accumulated stress. You could even offer yourself a dinner at your favourite restaurant, or buy yourself a gift. It will make you feel more confident, empowered, and more relaxed.

I try to do this more than once a month, to ensure I do not deny myself anything and as a reminder that my happiness does not depend on anybody else.

5. Learn how to plan ahead, managing your time

Time

The last and final tip is one of the most important ones for me.

Do you manage your time or does your time control you? Are you getting enough sleep, exercising at least three times a week? If the answer is no, then it is most likely that you will not be effective as you should.

You will end up getting anxious and frustrated, and consequently, both your mind and your body will take longer to produce.

Try to change your schedule to make your life easier, and learn how to set measurable and attainable goals.

If you cannot complete a task today, just do it tomorrow without stressing out!

Now that we have come to the end of our weekly appointment with Dressed From Within, I hope that you enjoyed this article like you did with the previous ones, and that it will help you to remind yourself how important you are and how valuable is your own freedom.

Do not wait for the river to overwhelm you. Make that change as soon as possible, as time is the most precious resource we have and there is no turning back.

Enjoying life
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WHAT DO YOU DRESS FOR?

Do you dress to be noticed? You like to be in the spotlight when everybody stares at you with that typical expression of envy or perhaps of genuine admiration on their face. It makes you feel unique, strong, powerful.

Or, by contrast, do you dress in a certain way to avoid people’s judgment and any sort of negative comment? Gossip puts pressure on you, making you nervous and uncomfortable.

Either way, your style reveals a lot about your personality, combined with your posture and body language.  However, sometimes the clothes you wear become a proper shield that protects you from external factors, hiding your real identity or making it more acceptable by society or even by yourself.

When I was younger, I went through a huge variety of different styles, hair colours and haircuts, all concomitantly with my emotional state of that moment.

There was a part of me constantly seeking validation, and another one that could not tolerate any form of criticism and assumptions at all.

This has made me suffer a lot, with my two personalities always contradictory between each other, not knowing who I had to listen to and which belief I should have gotten rid of.

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In both cases, I was not being myself. I was just living my life, making my own choices based on other people’s opinions and stereotypes.

Have you ever heard of Compulsive Approval-Seeking? A compulsive approval-seeking behaviour is generated by a low self-esteem. This sense of inferiority arises from many factors. Some relate to your personality, while others stem from external influences such as your upbringing, cultural experiences, education, and work life.

In my 13, when I was at Secondary School, I knew that to be popular and to be accepted by my school mates I had to wear make-up, a new pair of Adidas Gazzelle and the latest fashion trends, to not forget the unmissable leather jacket that everyone used to have.

The concept of ‘dress to be appreciated’, with the passing of time, became unconsciously a real belief in my mind, influencing my persona, my behaviours and my whole life.

As wrong as it could be, I have always thought that I had to look nice for others first, rather than for myself, and that I had to keep up with the role models proposed by TV, magazines and by mass media in order to be fully integrated into the social system, an altogether nonsensical concept!

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It took me more than 15 years before realising that I did not even know who I was, what I like and who I wanted to be. Imagine the massive impact that society has on people’s lifestyle and mental health!

But I am not here to talk about myself.

I am here to talk about you, instead, as I would like to help you, through my own experience, to find your own identity, in order to increase your level of confidence and self-esteem. Thus, you will have a better understanding of what you are passionate about, what is that makes you feel good, and what does your dream life look like.

While reading this article, I would like you to take some time to fully focus on the clothes you are currently wearing.

Does your outfit reflect your personality? Or is it based on the influence of someone else’s preferences, social media, and more generically, of the social environment?

Be honest with yourself, though.

I want you to look at that mirror, wondering if you really think you know that woman in front of you. Is she familiar to you? Or is she a perfect stranger?

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You, and only you can know the answer.

Most people see fashion as something trivial that does not determine someone’s personality, but today I want to dispel a myth, as it is the exact opposite.

Sometimes the most extravagant minds dress flashy to get attention as seeking constant validations. They are not confident enough within themselves, so they need approval from others.

Occasionally, if you are shy, you would prefer to be reserved, not showing a lot about yourself, keeping a more neutral style that could make you feel comfortable and less under pressure.

But, let me tell you something. In both cases, you would not be happy as you would not be real. You would suffer inwardly as you won’t be free to express who you are as too scared and affected by people’s judgments.

Therefore, the moral of this story is still the same: get to know your nature and learn how to give yourself the right values that you deserve. No one else will do it for you.

If you do not love yourself first, you will keep waiting for someone to compliment you with the usual ‘useless flatteries’ that you have been hearing for ages.

Nice words are only a rebound from a sense of emptiness that depends nothing but on yourself.

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